Thomas Allen Beauvart (T.A.B.) was born to Kelson and Ramona McKaysky of 244 Ashenbrook Ln one damp October day.
A panel of doctors insisted they name the child Thomas Allen Beauvart III, and Mr. and Mrs. McKaysky reluctantly agreed. They did, however, drop the III.
For a living, his father sold individual slices of bread on the side of the road from his tractor. He was extraordinarily wealthy because of it.
His mother was a chiropractor.
At an early age, T.A.B. (Tab) enjoyed reading comics, especially the big color Sunday ones, on his living room couch.
His parents took this as an indication he was headed for Hollywood stardom.
They took him to the finest acting specialists in the state. His teachers disliked him, but only because they got him confused with another kid, who was really mean all the time.
When he was ten, he had an audition at the Television Studio.
A strange, almost sinister man named Mr. Traplock evaluated him. Tab scored extremely low on the examination sheet Mr. Traplock used. Mr. Traplock was very unimpressed.
"Good day!" he said curtly and gestured to his door. Mr. and Mrs. McKaysky were more than happy to usher their son out of Mr. Traplock's office. The strange man creeped them out.
A few days later, they received word from the Studio that Tab was selected to be one of the child actors for a new television series. He beat out thousands of other applicants. Mr. Traplock was delighted. He called them up on the telephone to tell them so. "It just pleases me SO MUCH", he whispered. Tab's father had trouble hearing what Mr. Traplock was saying due to his raspy voice.
His parents completely forgave Mr. Traplock for his creepiness and made sure their son was there on time for the tapings.
The show's name was "Furnitures the Great Brown Oaf" and Tab was to play one of a large lovable oaf creature's child friends.
One of his co-stars, another child named Erin, suggested cruelly to him that perhaps Tab was playing the large oaf creature. Tab was not offended. Many believed it was because he had not heard the young woman's words. He often kept his headphones on, and thus was largely oblivious to the taunts and derisive comments of his peers.
The role got him enough attention in the right circles to warrant an agent. The agent's name was Vivien von Pocketwatch. She was very good at being an agent.
Mr. McKaysky divorced Mrs. McKaysky and married Vivien von Pocketwatch. They are currently raising hybrid dogs in a pueblo in New Mexico.
Mrs. McKaysky changed her name to "Deborah Reborah", founded her own espionage organization, and wandered the European continent pretending to be a tourist.
Mr. Traplock is still working as a mysterious Production Consultant for special television programs that need his help. To this day, his actual powers are immeasurable. Many fear him. He still talks in a creepy whisper, only its now slightly more menacing (according to recent reports).
Tab continues to act in 'Furnitures' and commercials for soft drinks. He recently discovered reruns of Dr. Who on the television. He thinks they're pretty good.
The End.
FUN FACTS ABOUT TAB!
Tab likes cartons of eggs. Not the eggs, just the cartons.
If given a choice between a pie and a cake, he will always take the cake. Unless it's fruitcake, in which case, he'd have to try it first before deciding.
He likes Saturday morning cartoons but wishes they were on Tuesday nights.
His favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.
He likes to play ping pong, but even experts in the sport think he's no good.
He doesn't care one way or the other who is president. But if it was him, he'd make his parents build a swimming pool in the backyard.
He secretly dreams of being a "vetininarian" (sic).
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